Ahhh, fuck… why are you reminding me that I might see his face soon. [ UUUUUGH ] I was pissed off… so pissed off… the way he looked at me the second I was back to being my pathetic self — acting like he suddenly didn’t wanna kill me.
Admitting you deserve to go hell ain’t gonna have you seein’ heaven any time soon. [ Like? Buzen was kind of an asshole and literally no one wants to admit it but it’s fine. She will. It’s cool.
That side of him is soooo sexy y’all should be soooo jealous. ]
Fuck off. That’s bullshit.
I thought you’d be one of the few people who’d open their eyes, but I know how far a few empty promises and some practiced smiles will take you.
When all of this — when all of you implode on yourselves, I’m gonna be so happy I might just get sick.
[Hm. She closes her eyes, pensive - the things she says irritate, of course they do, but...]
That was a man who sat and told me that he participated in a bloody massacre that killed women and children. 37,000 lives lost. He sat there and told me, and said that he was carrying out orders, and otherwise didn't have any other choice. So don't tell me about what kind of person he is. No one is a saint here. Just because I say he's the least likely to hate does not mean he can't do bad. What I'm here for is to find out what happened that night.
[...]
Did you talk to Kazuma last week? Before he was executed?
[ She crosses one leg over her lap, leaning back and waving a hand. ]
I already heard allllll about it — he went and told that pathetic half of me like it was a real bonding moment. [ And Wicked just sat there thinking yeah no shit you killed all those people. You’re a weapon? ] That’s why I knew he’d be the one who could kill me and not even flinch. Too bad I was just a little faster.
[ She’s not going to admit everything that happened last night — of the anger that boiled in her veins, of the fact that the moment she saw him she was reminded of all his promises. To not forget her, for letting her in the first place —
It pissed her off, knowing all of it was true. She needed to prove that it was false; fragile and easily broken. Because if it turned out to be real that would mean that she was simply a person born to be unloved. ]
You think the guy was gonna talk to me after I laughed in his face? Y’all are insane.
[But there's no bite in that. Just saying it how it is. Buzen died. Marie is here, going to die. Executed, for what she did. Is that right? Is that fair? An eye for an eye. A tooth for a tooth. A life for a life.]
[But still, she wants to understand.]
...We all believed that he was the one who went after Ryunosuke. But he swore up and down that it was Ryunosuke, at first, who attacked him, and he later lost control. [She closes her eyes.] I was wondering if it was the same way. People are mad about Buzen dying, yes. But it doesn't mean that he was truly the victim, completely. That's what I wanted to find out.
Damn, you wanna dig for all the deets? Don’t want the suspense of wondering if I was the victim?
Probably would make goin’ to sleep feel awkward as hell, I guess. [ She shrugs. ]
I hit him first. Stole his sword. Ran outta there. He got that prop from that stupid ass glitter building and tried smacking me a couple times — idiot — and once we hit the carnival he tackled me and I stabbed him.
And like I said, I was just pissed off the entire time. The second I saw him I knew I had to kill him, but I dunno what he was thinking.
...And I assume there were others like you, too. [Who needed that place, beyond anything, as a chance to survive.] That virtual world was everything to you.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Did he hurt you in any way?
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Ahhh, fuck… why are you reminding me that I might see his face soon. [ UUUUUGH ] I was pissed off… so pissed off… the way he looked at me the second I was back to being my pathetic self — acting like he suddenly didn’t wanna kill me.
What’s with you people?
Don’t you love havin’ someone to hate?
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[bINCH]
...Unfortunately, he was the one out all of us who was the least likely to hate anyone. Others may love to have someone to hate. He never would.
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Admitting you deserve to go hell ain’t gonna have you seein’ heaven any time soon. [ Like? Buzen was kind of an asshole and literally no one wants to admit it but it’s fine. She will. It’s cool.
That side of him is soooo sexy y’all should be soooo jealous. ]
Fuck off. That’s bullshit.
I thought you’d be one of the few people who’d open their eyes, but I know how far a few empty promises and some practiced smiles will take you.
When all of this — when all of you implode on yourselves, I’m gonna be so happy I might just get sick.
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[Hm. She closes her eyes, pensive - the things she says irritate, of course they do, but...]
That was a man who sat and told me that he participated in a bloody massacre that killed women and children. 37,000 lives lost. He sat there and told me, and said that he was carrying out orders, and otherwise didn't have any other choice. So don't tell me about what kind of person he is. No one is a saint here. Just because I say he's the least likely to hate does not mean he can't do bad. What I'm here for is to find out what happened that night.
[...]
Did you talk to Kazuma last week? Before he was executed?
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I already heard allllll about it — he went and told that pathetic half of me like it was a real bonding moment. [ And Wicked just sat there thinking yeah no shit you killed all those people. You’re a weapon? ] That’s why I knew he’d be the one who could kill me and not even flinch. Too bad I was just a little faster.
[ She’s not going to admit everything that happened last night — of the anger that boiled in her veins, of the fact that the moment she saw him she was reminded of all his promises. To not forget her, for letting her in the first place —
It pissed her off, knowing all of it was true. She needed to prove that it was false; fragile and easily broken. Because if it turned out to be real that would mean that she was simply a person born to be unloved. ]
You think the guy was gonna talk to me after I laughed in his face? Y’all are insane.
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[But there's no bite in that. Just saying it how it is. Buzen died. Marie is here, going to die. Executed, for what she did. Is that right? Is that fair? An eye for an eye. A tooth for a tooth. A life for a life.]
[But still, she wants to understand.]
...We all believed that he was the one who went after Ryunosuke. But he swore up and down that it was Ryunosuke, at first, who attacked him, and he later lost control. [She closes her eyes.] I was wondering if it was the same way. People are mad about Buzen dying, yes. But it doesn't mean that he was truly the victim, completely. That's what I wanted to find out.
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Probably would make goin’ to sleep feel awkward as hell, I guess. [ She shrugs. ]
I hit him first. Stole his sword. Ran outta there. He got that prop from that stupid ass glitter building and tried smacking me a couple times — idiot — and once we hit the carnival he tackled me and I stabbed him.
And like I said, I was just pissed off the entire time. The second I saw him I knew I had to kill him, but I dunno what he was thinking.
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[But that does outline everything - she nods at all of it, expression unchanging.]
Are you okay with the fact that your other self chose execution?
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The funniest part? None of you went and told her everything about the execution last week.
I hope you all feel every ounce of pain I’ve felt for the first seventeen years of my life.
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Will that make you feel any different about your own pain? Will it alleviate it?
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I’ve gotten over it.
[ Yeah, that’s a lie. ]
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[She doesn't care. She's blunt and will call it out.]
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Doesn’t matter if I have or not anymore.
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What’s the point of this conversation when I’m dyin’ soon anyway?
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Sometimes its best to just be honest with yourself before you die. [...] I didn't get a whole chance with that, myself.
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[ You're gonna get to see what chances she has. They're so similar! ]
Some of you guys gotta understand that there's some people in this world who will stay broken no matter what.
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And yet they still live, despite everything. Being broken doesn't mean you can't survive in this bitter world.
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Totally livin' it up as just a barely breathing piece of meat, you know.
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[Her eyes...widen.]
A broken spine...?
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That's why I was so hellbent on making sure those virtual worlds wouldn't be destroyed.
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...And I assume there were others like you, too. [Who needed that place, beyond anything, as a chance to survive.] That virtual world was everything to you.
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It, and me, will all disappear soon.
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I wish it didn't have to be like this. I don't just wish, honestly. I hate that it had to be like this. For the both of you.
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