[ Yeah! Those thingies. Plus the real world in general cause that means her bastard family is still out there living. ]
Hm… I’m thinking of going with Damien. And he’s being really pissy about it, too, because he mentioned that we’ve got no proof that we’ll just be able to go from one world to another.
… [ She sits up, her expression serious. ] Don’t tell him or Crow about this, okay?
I… Can’t really just follow them. Not now, at least, ‘cause I gotta get back to my friends and help them out of Redo.
The shitty part is that I might not be comin’ back, though. Me or Marie.
The easiest way out is by killing the Singularity Point — which is me. Otherwise… well, the only other option is going up against the god of Redo and she’s way too fucking strong. Even if I’m the strongest Musician there’s no doubt she’d be able to beat me, too.
There’s no way I’m letting any of you in there. It’s fucked. If you’re not conscious enough you could end up brainwashed, and then there’s the possibility that just listening to songs by the new Musicians might fuck with you, too.
If that happens you might break from the inside out.
[ She’s about to say it’s fine? It’s whatever? Shit happens? This is kinda what she deserves, anyway?
She freezes, her body tense before it relaxes; affection had always been like a blade hidden behind the soft pretense of safety. Her mother would come to hold her in her arms and only resume her abuse quickly after — it skewed her perspective of it completely.
But time spent here has helped. She’s adapted, realized that not everyone here is looking to harm her. It’s still a bit unfamiliar, bit scary, but she allows it soon enough. Being held isn’t so bad, especially when there’s the possibility that it may be the last time she’ll be embraced in a life that so feverishly hated her. ]
[It's not her fault. It's not her fault at all. Wicked told her what she'd been through, and it makes her heart hurt all the more, to think that she'll return, and there might not be a happy ending.]
[It's unfair.]
[It's so unfair.]
[She doesn't let go.]
You deserve to be happy. I want nothing more than that for you.
There's the immediate self-deprecating feeling when opening up -- due to the execution, due to all of Marie opening up to the rest of them, everyone knows of her life. And yet she hardly feels like she knows the people around her.
But, like many, Hot Pants is kind. She's caring. She's patient, and despite everything she has done she still holds her. ]
... I'll find a way.
Like I always do, I'll find a way to survive. [ Is she saying this for Hot Pants' sake or her own? ]
[Sometimes, that's all you can do. You have to fight. You have to keep fighting, no matter what.]
I want to see you again. But don't do it just for me. Don't do it for anyone else, Crow, or Damien. Above all...fight for yourself, and get out of that place. I wish that for you, okay?
[ Damn this is so fucked with her other half fucking gone! For whatever reason!
She really ruined the life of the piece of her that's the most hopeful. However, the best part of having pretended to be someone else your entire life is that she can at least... sound convincing. ]
Yeah. I got you. And I'd be fuckin' embarrassed if I worked my ass off just for a couple of dudes, so there's no need to worry.
I wanted to hurt people for a long, long time... thinkin' it'd make me feel better, thinkin' that it'd keep me safe. But I've come to realize, with a couple of you guys, people from home, and her, that I'm so fuckin'... tired... living so angry.
So I'm ready to move on. I just hope I can really push through.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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...What? No, he didn't.
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[ Hm… ]
Well… you can ask him about it. It was a bit personal for all of us, and it didn’t help that we were all coughing up flowers at the same time.
Crow, Jiuqing, you, and Malik were there. It was… a lot, to say the least.
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[So this is. News. Huh. She's frowning a little.]
[Also I hope there were a lot of love flowers being coughed up, looks at the doctors and Marie/Crow.]
That's how adventures are in this place. They use people you like against you.
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That’s what I assumed after the first round. Damien comin’ back and saying he saw a version of me that bit into his throat.
I just can’t wait to leave this place in the dust… I’ve had my fair share of shitty worlds, but this one is —
[ A brief pause. ]
Yeah. It’s probably the third worse.
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[That's right. her virtual worlds.]
...Where are you planning to go, after this? If you could go anywhere.
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Hm… I’m thinking of going with Damien. And he’s being really pissy about it, too, because he mentioned that we’ve got no proof that we’ll just be able to go from one world to another.
… [ She sits up, her expression serious. ] Don’t tell him or Crow about this, okay?
I… Can’t really just follow them. Not now, at least, ‘cause I gotta get back to my friends and help them out of Redo.
The shitty part is that I might not be comin’ back, though. Me or Marie.
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[Her expression darkens a little, frowning.]
What do you mean by that? That you might not be coming back? That you'll die in the process?
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There’s a chance.
The easiest way out is by killing the Singularity Point — which is me. Otherwise… well, the only other option is going up against the god of Redo and she’s way too fucking strong. Even if I’m the strongest Musician there’s no doubt she’d be able to beat me, too.
They’d just be lambs to the slaughter.
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Is it possible for any of us to go with you to help you?
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She shakes her head. ]
There’s no way I’m letting any of you in there. It’s fucked. If you’re not conscious enough you could end up brainwashed, and then there’s the possibility that just listening to songs by the new Musicians might fuck with you, too.
If that happens you might break from the inside out.
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[She takes that all in, pensive.]
So...there's no guarantee that any of us might see you again?
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… Sorry.
no subject
[She's standing up...and then walking over to pull her into a hug.]
cw: domestic abuse
[ She’s about to say it’s fine? It’s whatever? Shit happens? This is kinda what she deserves, anyway?
She freezes, her body tense before it relaxes; affection had always been like a blade hidden behind the soft pretense of safety. Her mother would come to hold her in her arms and only resume her abuse quickly after — it skewed her perspective of it completely.
But time spent here has helped. She’s adapted, realized that not everyone here is looking to harm her. It’s still a bit unfamiliar, bit scary, but she allows it soon enough. Being held isn’t so bad, especially when there’s the possibility that it may be the last time she’ll be embraced in a life that so feverishly hated her. ]
… Sorry. I’m really sorry.
[ She wraps her arms around her loosely. ]
no subject
[It's not her fault. It's not her fault at all. Wicked told her what she'd been through, and it makes her heart hurt all the more, to think that she'll return, and there might not be a happy ending.]
[It's unfair.]
[It's so unfair.]
[She doesn't let go.]
You deserve to be happy. I want nothing more than that for you.
no subject
There's the immediate self-deprecating feeling when opening up -- due to the execution, due to all of Marie opening up to the rest of them, everyone knows of her life. And yet she hardly feels like she knows the people around her.
But, like many, Hot Pants is kind. She's caring. She's patient, and despite everything she has done she still holds her. ]
... I'll find a way.
Like I always do, I'll find a way to survive. [ Is she saying this for Hot Pants' sake or her own? ]
no subject
[Sometimes, that's all you can do. You have to fight. You have to keep fighting, no matter what.]
I want to see you again. But don't do it just for me. Don't do it for anyone else, Crow, or Damien. Above all...fight for yourself, and get out of that place. I wish that for you, okay?
no subject
She really ruined the life of the piece of her that's the most hopeful. However, the best part of having pretended to be someone else your entire life is that she can at least... sound convincing. ]
Yeah. I got you. And I'd be fuckin' embarrassed if I worked my ass off just for a couple of dudes, so there's no need to worry.
I wanted to hurt people for a long, long time... thinkin' it'd make me feel better, thinkin' that it'd keep me safe. But I've come to realize, with a couple of you guys, people from home, and her, that I'm so fuckin'... tired... living so angry.
So I'm ready to move on. I just hope I can really push through.